30 Comments
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Ernie Schenck's avatar

Somewhere at the North Pole, a quiet unassuming elf is having dark, uninvited thoughts.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

“What are you doing with that fireplace poker, Jinxy? Jinxy?!?JINXY!!!”

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Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Murder humor I can get behind. I don’t do true crime though…something inside me feels dirty giving such monsters my attention.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

I get that

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Oh good Lord this is so brilliant! And a service to humanity. Thank you for curating such a thoughtful list! I have to know where did you find that perfect murder-y ornament image??? That would also make a great gift!

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thank you, my friend! I do think there’s something for everyone here, don’t you? I don’t remember where I got the ornament pic. Maybe I can reverse-image search it!

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Andrea Hoffmann's avatar

I’m not gonna lie, Ramirez does make a point about the meds vs the cigs.

But, no thanks on the murder souvenirs. Day 8 of the family visit seems to be horrific enough.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Day 8?!? Of how many?

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Andrea Hoffmann's avatar

Your guess is as good as mine.

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Kristi Keller 🇨🇦's avatar

Damn, those Kerkorian drawings are bizarre 😳

I'm actually pretty surprised at how low all of these items are priced. I would have expected more $$ for these cult classics!

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Me too!

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Kristi Keller 🇨🇦's avatar

And obviously I meant Kevorkian drawings. Stupid autocorrect 🙄

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Chris Stanton's avatar

I didn’t even notice that! But yes, autocorrect can be a dick.

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Rose Marie Szulc's avatar

Why didn't you ask your Dad what he wanted? I'm not a good recipient of unwanted presents either so I empathise with your Dad. Your serial killer gift ideas are truly gruesome, great for the ghoul in your life. I used to make jokes with a boyfriend who was always polishing off the cornflakes that he was a cereal killer.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

I did. He said he didn’t want anything. Which wasn’t helpful.

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Alisa Kennedy Jones's avatar

My GOD... these are HELLA dark! I applaud your research but in lieu of gifts... lol. And yikes, Richard Ramirez's idea of a joke??? Hoo boy... Those alone should have been a sign that this guy was NOT OK. And Kevorkian, dear me!

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Yeah, Ramirez wasn’t exactly ready for a tight 10 at the Comedy Store, was he? Good Lord. And you’d think that, given his occupation and reputation, Kevorkian might have considered some less gruesome subject matter instead of leaning into the whole “Dr. Death” persona. But I guess he gets points for authenticity!

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Ofifoto's avatar

You know, I didn't think you could top the stomach churning nature of the nose braids, but this post demonstrates you have gifts. And for the record, I think your father and my husband are kindred spirits. To be fair to my husband though, he does tell people not to get him gifts, because they'll only be disappointed with his reaction to them. I took his advice and stopped getting gifts for *all* the Scrooges in my life. These suggestions, on the other hand, might tempt me to break that oath.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

It’s not very fun giving a gift to someone who won’t like it or want it, right? Good for you for cutting those people out of your list. I’m still trying over here. I’ve actually been on a lucky streak the last few times, so I’m due for a dud very soon.

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Ofifoto's avatar

Turn it into a game. Find most outlandish gifts in the hope of being repulsive. They may love it, haha. I can think of a few suggestions someone shared with me recently...

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Those would definitely get a reaction…

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Do me a favor, Chris? Don't get me anything this year. Your friendship is enough.

But wow, the Kevorkian art, that's tempting.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Dr. K’s art really is something to behead, I mean behold, isn’t it?

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Yeah, the stuff of nightmares. I wouldn't want to live in his head. But technically, he's was a pretty good artist. Being a fly on the wall in his analyst's office would be fascinating. Gotta tell you, on a certain level, I loved what he stood for. Death with dignity.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

I was surprised by how good his paintings were (subject matter aside).

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Exactly! Some talent there.

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Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

I knew there was a dark side of you. Murder humor is a great category. The only “horror” movies I can watch are the comedies. Think Zombieland.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

What about true-crime docs? Any interest there?

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Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

No. I can’t even watch Monsters about the Menendez bros. You?

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Oh yeah. I love dark documentaries. I’m fascinated by human behavior in general, and especially what drives people to do horrible things.

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