Fun, smart and entertaining, thank you, Chris! I'd like to add that some Universities consider students as their customers, and with "the customer is always right" comes wokeism, idiocracy and entitlement (and other corruption).
I really dislike "everything happens for a reason." If only you, suffering person, were as enlightened as me, you'd have thought of this! It is a way to virtue signal and distance yourself from the suffering person. A twofer of making yourself feel better at the expense of someone who is already suffering. It is usually difficult to improve upon silence when one is with a suffering person.
"You are never given more than you can handle." Hate this.
"You are so strong but I will pray for you anyway."
I am not knocking prayer but how about just show up and do my fucking dishes if you want to help.
I had twins at one pound each, hospital lies and negligence.
27 years later I am still unpacking all the lies I told myself about what happened, because as a woman we hear, "Don't rock the boat, you'll be sorry."
Did you see Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ film “You Hurt My Feelings?” Exposing the ugly truth, one little white lie at a time.
🤔 Maybe our Hierarchy of Needs should be amended: air, water, food, coffee, shelter, designer clothes and Big Fat Whoppers (not a burger). This would help me process our political as well as planetary climate
I haven’t seen “Your Hurt My Feelings.” I saw the trailer, though, and it looks interesting.
Sorry Maslow, we’re using Castigliano’s Hierarcy of Needs now. I think we were due for an update and yours seems to make sense for the times we’re living in.
this is great. to quote a recent piece of my writing..... "by employing a deep understanding that how it is meant to turn out, it will. Which is tricky. It’s not the same as touting “everything happens for a reason” — a kind of juvenile statement that is largely one sided. In the real real world we all know that is just not the way."
Cannot tell you how many times I told kids, and a few adults, be sure your mind is engaged before starting your mouth. There are a few stories in my repertoire that illustrate the opposite. My next post may be related, having to do with the choice/consequence equation. Working on a draft in this next week. Thanks for the nudge.
My brother went to a pre natal class with his wife where they said “there’s no such thing as a stupid question” so he inadvertently proved them wrong by enquiring if there would be Wi-fi in the delivery suite.
“A group of Rhondas is called a book club” is a singularly excellent phrase that I chortled at unapologetically. I loved so much of this piece. I still don’t think everything happens for a reason though. It doesn’t. Life is random. I think the more clear eyed we can be about that the more kindness we can promote in each other. I find that “the reason” often does the hard work that we should be doing. Your house burned down Rhonda but everything happens for a reason. Therefore, I don’t have to let you stay with me or give you money to help rebuild. (The “you” hear is metaphysical, I don’t me like you you.) Life is hard, we all should help. And in the randomness, I like to remember that I can’t control events I can only control my response to them. All this to say, I loved this piece and please take my comments as a compliment: you provoked these thoughts in me this morning with your writing.
Jack, thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful comments. I'm really glad you enjoyed this piece. Your point about being able to control only your response to events, not the events themselves, is something I try to keep in mind too. I've found that a huge part of life is learning to accept things as they are.
There's not enough Karma's in this world to equalize the overpopulation of Gary's, it seems. You are so spot on. Great piece. (And I thought I learned everything when I group of crows is called a murder...a smack of jellyfish...lol.)
I saw a fantastic post from a hospital chaplain recently on the damage down by ‘everything happens for a reason’. Like you, I believe it, live and breathe it when it comes to my own life, but the only person we should actually SAY it to is ourselves. Loved these observations; enjoyed your writing style too.
Thank you, Ros. I agree, what a terrific post. I’ve been thinking of writing about toxic positivity in general, so I appreciated her take on these particular phrases. It was powerful to read her perspective on how they not only don’t help, but can actually cause a lot of harm.
Spot on. You need to start a user-submitted, running list of these aphorisms. You might need a separate section for it called "No-phorisms" or something like that.
Fun, smart and entertaining, thank you, Chris! I'd like to add that some Universities consider students as their customers, and with "the customer is always right" comes wokeism, idiocracy and entitlement (and other corruption).
Thanks, Robin! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
George Costanza once said, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” Who knew he lifted from Goebbels?
Silence is seriously underrated in these situations. People feel the need to say something, but very often nothing needs to be said.
I really dislike "everything happens for a reason." If only you, suffering person, were as enlightened as me, you'd have thought of this! It is a way to virtue signal and distance yourself from the suffering person. A twofer of making yourself feel better at the expense of someone who is already suffering. It is usually difficult to improve upon silence when one is with a suffering person.
All so good.
"You are never given more than you can handle." Hate this.
"You are so strong but I will pray for you anyway."
I am not knocking prayer but how about just show up and do my fucking dishes if you want to help.
I had twins at one pound each, hospital lies and negligence.
27 years later I am still unpacking all the lies I told myself about what happened, because as a woman we hear, "Don't rock the boat, you'll be sorry."
THWT!
Your place is a shore I am glad to arrive at.
Thank you.
“I am not knocking prayer but how about just show up and do my fucking dishes if you want to help.” God, I love that.
As Bowie says "Religion is for those her fear hell. Spirituality is for those who have been there."
Radical. The caring and comforting lies — yes the utter nonsense lies.
I love this.
I am so tired of the bad ideas - said to be good ideas that suck energy, time, purpose....
The marketing punches that flaunt $$$$ to earn if you follow this or that...
I'm in. and you have a great voice that I can learn from as a newbie here.
"The customer is always right!"
"everything happens for a reason" a bypass at its best. Has to go.
"you mean well" - crap.
I am with you.
Thank you for all of this.
Did you see Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ film “You Hurt My Feelings?” Exposing the ugly truth, one little white lie at a time.
🤔 Maybe our Hierarchy of Needs should be amended: air, water, food, coffee, shelter, designer clothes and Big Fat Whoppers (not a burger). This would help me process our political as well as planetary climate
I haven’t seen “Your Hurt My Feelings.” I saw the trailer, though, and it looks interesting.
Sorry Maslow, we’re using Castigliano’s Hierarcy of Needs now. I think we were due for an update and yours seems to make sense for the times we’re living in.
this is great. to quote a recent piece of my writing..... "by employing a deep understanding that how it is meant to turn out, it will. Which is tricky. It’s not the same as touting “everything happens for a reason” — a kind of juvenile statement that is largely one sided. In the real real world we all know that is just not the way."
that is to say, I agree!!!
We’re definitely on the same page here, Kristen!
Discernment!!! 👏👏
Yes!
Cannot tell you how many times I told kids, and a few adults, be sure your mind is engaged before starting your mouth. There are a few stories in my repertoire that illustrate the opposite. My next post may be related, having to do with the choice/consequence equation. Working on a draft in this next week. Thanks for the nudge.
Looking forward to reading it.
My brother went to a pre natal class with his wife where they said “there’s no such thing as a stupid question” so he inadvertently proved them wrong by enquiring if there would be Wi-fi in the delivery suite.
That’s absolutely hilarious
Plenty more where that came from.
Everything happens for a reason.
“I’m dying. The reason? I got cancer.”
“My car is smashed. The reason? I had a wreck.”
“I lost my job. The reason? I was downsized.”
“I’m getting a divorce. The reason? Things didn’t work out”
And so on…
See? Reasons.
A very reasonable take
“A group of Rhondas is called a book club” is a singularly excellent phrase that I chortled at unapologetically. I loved so much of this piece. I still don’t think everything happens for a reason though. It doesn’t. Life is random. I think the more clear eyed we can be about that the more kindness we can promote in each other. I find that “the reason” often does the hard work that we should be doing. Your house burned down Rhonda but everything happens for a reason. Therefore, I don’t have to let you stay with me or give you money to help rebuild. (The “you” hear is metaphysical, I don’t me like you you.) Life is hard, we all should help. And in the randomness, I like to remember that I can’t control events I can only control my response to them. All this to say, I loved this piece and please take my comments as a compliment: you provoked these thoughts in me this morning with your writing.
Jack, thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful comments. I'm really glad you enjoyed this piece. Your point about being able to control only your response to events, not the events themselves, is something I try to keep in mind too. I've found that a huge part of life is learning to accept things as they are.
There's not enough Karma's in this world to equalize the overpopulation of Gary's, it seems. You are so spot on. Great piece. (And I thought I learned everything when I group of crows is called a murder...a smack of jellyfish...lol.)
Right? How had I gotten this far along in life without ever having heard “a smack of jellyfish”? Jacques Cousteau really dropped the ball on this one.
I saw a fantastic post from a hospital chaplain recently on the damage down by ‘everything happens for a reason’. Like you, I believe it, live and breathe it when it comes to my own life, but the only person we should actually SAY it to is ourselves. Loved these observations; enjoyed your writing style too.
Thanks so much, Ros! That post from the hospital chaplain sounds REALLY interesting. I’d love to read it if you still know where to find it.
Here it is, I dug it out. https://open.substack.com/pub/journeyingalongside/p/god-doesnt-need-another-angel?r=aywda&utm_medium=ios
Thank you, Ros. I agree, what a terrific post. I’ve been thinking of writing about toxic positivity in general, so I appreciated her take on these particular phrases. It was powerful to read her perspective on how they not only don’t help, but can actually cause a lot of harm.
Spot on. You need to start a user-submitted, running list of these aphorisms. You might need a separate section for it called "No-phorisms" or something like that.
I like it! Maybe we adapt adages into badages? I’m just spitballing here.
And keep the good aphorisms as go-phorisms. Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water.
Hahaha brilliant