My therapist advises me thusly: You can't hate them (you know who) because if you hate them, you become them. I think that's extremely wise and something to aspire to, but it's really, really hard. It's The Sermon on the Mount. Even this Jewish girl knows that. But I think you might have been joking. Eat a bag of dicks? Ewww. I'm never going to stop hearing that expression. So ewwww. Love you, man. xo
I think your therapist is right, but I also think you’re right for saying it’s really, really hard. Sometimes, close to impossible, depending on who we’re talking about trying not to hate. I like to go with a very vigorous dislike in certain cases. Progress not perfection, eh?
I’ll make you this promise: I will never—ever—so much as suggest that you eat a bag of dicks. I believe we feel exactly the same way about it. xo
It's always progress not perfection. I do aspire toward growth on a daily basis. I love being in that place. And I accept your promise, and please know that if you ever break that promise, there will be major consequences, and those consequences may have something to do with bags and bags of you know what. Still so ewwwww. xo
I love this: “Do know harm, take no shit, write about the dickheads.” That’s how writers can process resentment. I love how evolved you are, bestie but I hope you stay salty!
My family has been through a lot the past 3 years. There are 4 individuals causing 100% of the chaos.
One is a mentally disabled teenager and I believe she is trying her best, so I have no problem feeling compassion for her. Her frontal lobe didn’t develop correctly plus if you add in a low IQ and all the trauma she’s been through, it’s amazing that she’s doing as well as she is.
One is an intelligent grown man with no disabilities who chooses to manipulate and hurt people. Best I can do is pretend he does not exist. I can pray for him with a wrinkled up face
The other two are teenagers of normal intelligence who choose to act selfishly and hurt the people who love them most. I haven’t found much compassion for them because I know they’re capable of doing better. Will I pray for them? Yes. Give them a kidney? No.
And maybe that’s the definition of a healthy boundary. I will pray for you but I will not sacrifice for you.
I’m sorry to hear that, Maps. That’s a lot to deal with.
I agree with you—I think you’re setting healthy boundaries. Even praying for them is more than a lot of people would do. But you don’t need to let anyone mistreat you or cause you undue stress.
I really enjoyed this post. I've wrestled with passive aggression vs compassion over the years as many of us probably do. As I get older, my horizon widens and I'm more able and willing to consider a different and softer attitude and understanding. I came out of the chute a born advocate against bullying, so it's definitely a challenge, but I'm becoming more compassionate towards those I want to villify. I will say that everytime I see a Tesla I want to spit on it and the owner (I don't, but boy do I want to). So I've got some work to do, and yeah, I know I'm being a little dark with the whole spitting thing, but on the whole I'm an OK person. Today, however, was the SATs of compassion, because it is extremely difficult to have a milligram of it for Lard Vadar and his minions and extremists. Yes, they most definitely can suffocate in a bag of dicks. Thanks for the cathartic post. I think I need to go watch some comedy now.
Thanks, Darcy. I'm happy to hear that you liked it. As you said, I think we all struggle with those feelings. And if there's someone who doesn't, I've certainly never met them. I really understand your point about the Teslas. Yesterday being the "SATs of compassion" cracked me up. I think you hit the nail on the head with that one!
A great essay, Chris. Big thoughts, serious tone, then BAM! You hit me with a bag of dicks! 😆
There is a time and place for both compassion (though I prefer the word empathy and its meaning) and resentment. The balance of both feelings is important to a healthy relationship with ourselves and others. That, and the practice of resilience and forgiveness.
Love this Chris and agree, compassion is what most of us our aiming for but damn it’s hard sometimes. I watched that clip with Jameela Jamil and thought it was incredible. Kat can definitely still eat a bag of dicks tho.
Thanks Sara! I was astounded by that clip. I mean, that was such a personal violation, so to be able to come around to, “Eh, this friendless loser’s life is masturbating in a basement” is pretty remarkable. And thank you for backing me up on Kat. 😁
Oh my goodness, Thomas Campbell does risk analysis for the DoD's missile defense systems yet he totally looks like Gandalf!!! How do you square working on weapons of mass destruction while at the same time having the lofty goal of building toward more love and compassion? People are such masterworks of contradiction. :)
That means a lot, CK. Thank you. It’s funny that you mentioned Robin Williams. I can’t overemphasize how incredibly important he was to me since I was a kid. Still is.
And I completely agree with your second point. Those people deserve no compassion.
My therapist advises me thusly: You can't hate them (you know who) because if you hate them, you become them. I think that's extremely wise and something to aspire to, but it's really, really hard. It's The Sermon on the Mount. Even this Jewish girl knows that. But I think you might have been joking. Eat a bag of dicks? Ewww. I'm never going to stop hearing that expression. So ewwww. Love you, man. xo
I think your therapist is right, but I also think you’re right for saying it’s really, really hard. Sometimes, close to impossible, depending on who we’re talking about trying not to hate. I like to go with a very vigorous dislike in certain cases. Progress not perfection, eh?
I’ll make you this promise: I will never—ever—so much as suggest that you eat a bag of dicks. I believe we feel exactly the same way about it. xo
It's always progress not perfection. I do aspire toward growth on a daily basis. I love being in that place. And I accept your promise, and please know that if you ever break that promise, there will be major consequences, and those consequences may have something to do with bags and bags of you know what. Still so ewwwww. xo
🛍️ 🍆 is what neither of us will do
I love this: “Do know harm, take no shit, write about the dickheads.” That’s how writers can process resentment. I love how evolved you are, bestie but I hope you stay salty!
Believe me, you have nothing to worry about. This was an aberration. 😂
My family has been through a lot the past 3 years. There are 4 individuals causing 100% of the chaos.
One is a mentally disabled teenager and I believe she is trying her best, so I have no problem feeling compassion for her. Her frontal lobe didn’t develop correctly plus if you add in a low IQ and all the trauma she’s been through, it’s amazing that she’s doing as well as she is.
One is an intelligent grown man with no disabilities who chooses to manipulate and hurt people. Best I can do is pretend he does not exist. I can pray for him with a wrinkled up face
The other two are teenagers of normal intelligence who choose to act selfishly and hurt the people who love them most. I haven’t found much compassion for them because I know they’re capable of doing better. Will I pray for them? Yes. Give them a kidney? No.
And maybe that’s the definition of a healthy boundary. I will pray for you but I will not sacrifice for you.
I’m sorry to hear that, Maps. That’s a lot to deal with.
I agree with you—I think you’re setting healthy boundaries. Even praying for them is more than a lot of people would do. But you don’t need to let anyone mistreat you or cause you undue stress.
I really enjoyed this post. I've wrestled with passive aggression vs compassion over the years as many of us probably do. As I get older, my horizon widens and I'm more able and willing to consider a different and softer attitude and understanding. I came out of the chute a born advocate against bullying, so it's definitely a challenge, but I'm becoming more compassionate towards those I want to villify. I will say that everytime I see a Tesla I want to spit on it and the owner (I don't, but boy do I want to). So I've got some work to do, and yeah, I know I'm being a little dark with the whole spitting thing, but on the whole I'm an OK person. Today, however, was the SATs of compassion, because it is extremely difficult to have a milligram of it for Lard Vadar and his minions and extremists. Yes, they most definitely can suffocate in a bag of dicks. Thanks for the cathartic post. I think I need to go watch some comedy now.
Thanks, Darcy. I'm happy to hear that you liked it. As you said, I think we all struggle with those feelings. And if there's someone who doesn't, I've certainly never met them. I really understand your point about the Teslas. Yesterday being the "SATs of compassion" cracked me up. I think you hit the nail on the head with that one!
A great essay, Chris. Big thoughts, serious tone, then BAM! You hit me with a bag of dicks! 😆
There is a time and place for both compassion (though I prefer the word empathy and its meaning) and resentment. The balance of both feelings is important to a healthy relationship with ourselves and others. That, and the practice of resilience and forgiveness.
Thanks, Ofifoto! I hope the bag didn't cause a bruise! 😁
This being human stuff is complicated, isn't it?
All we can do is put one foot in front of the other.
I’ve heard that somewhere before…
🤔😁
What timing.
Well, now I have to go out and get japa mala beads for “Do no harm, but take no shit.”
You’ll probably be the first!
We are exactly on the same page. We should have a digital coffee sometime!
Sounds good!
Chef’s kiss to the timing on the eat of bag of dicks line. Totally blindsided with laughter on that one.
Ha thanks, Henny!
I love TOE guy! He was on Mayim Bialik's podcast a while ago and it was a doozy. Also-- legitimate question---are you a scorpio?
He’s definitely an interesting dude! Gives you a lot to think about. I’m an Aries…just out of curiosity, what made you think I might be a Scorpio?
bc scorpios are the best at grudges and resentments! i’m also an aries hell yeah
🙌
What a wonderful essay Chris! Compassion and understanding isn't just for others, but it also makes our lives more gratifying 🤍
Thank you MJ! I really appreciate that!
Love this Chris and agree, compassion is what most of us our aiming for but damn it’s hard sometimes. I watched that clip with Jameela Jamil and thought it was incredible. Kat can definitely still eat a bag of dicks tho.
Thanks Sara! I was astounded by that clip. I mean, that was such a personal violation, so to be able to come around to, “Eh, this friendless loser’s life is masturbating in a basement” is pretty remarkable. And thank you for backing me up on Kat. 😁
This was so good, Chris. Perfect blend of wisdom and humor. With a message I could stand refreshing in my brain every couple of months.
Thanks so much, Lee! I need a regular refreshing too.
Oh my goodness, Thomas Campbell does risk analysis for the DoD's missile defense systems yet he totally looks like Gandalf!!! How do you square working on weapons of mass destruction while at the same time having the lofty goal of building toward more love and compassion? People are such masterworks of contradiction. :)
That’s such a great point, Alisa! I didn’t even think about that. He must have one hell of a struggle to find a healthy work/life balance! 🤣
I love this other side of you. Comedians always make the best actors because they are usually people who feel deeply.
Robin Williams. Ahem. Same with writers.
I thought we were done with evil and then Oct 7 happened. I really can’t have compassion for people who want me dead.
That means a lot, CK. Thank you. It’s funny that you mentioned Robin Williams. I can’t overemphasize how incredibly important he was to me since I was a kid. Still is.
And I completely agree with your second point. Those people deserve no compassion.
I think compassion and vulnerability go side by side. So let me share here one of my last notes on this topic: https://substack.com/@rolandoandrade/note/c-125227421?r=20ov80