I needed this. I've been feeling so shit about my writing and trying to impress editors and my agent. But when I show a reader what I made on my own they're impressed and want more. It's hard to remember that if I'm being myself people will respond positively.
I am basically in the Hundred Years War with imposter syndrome. We will have an occasional detente, but then someone is foolish enough to start an essay, record a TikTok or get on stage and the bloodshed recommences.
The biggest problem for me is that I'm inspired by quite a few artists so much that I see their influence in my work. Then I think, "HOLY SHIT AM I STEALING THEIR WORK? DO I HAVE ANY CREATIVITY OF MY OWN?"
To be clear, I've never stolen a thing in my life. And, my conscious brain now knows I'm actually pretty creative. But my subconscious, well, he's an asshole.
You and me both, brother. Every artist—including the ones we idolize—are inspired by other artists. But we tend to forget that and beat the shit out of ourselves as posers and frauds. It was helpful for me to see how many other writers feel this way. I didn’t include this in the piece because I was sticking to writers, but I even came across a similar quote from Einstein. It’s nuts.
This is such an honest, articulate piece and, as usual, fun. Bitchy has a half-sister or step-mom (I didn't realize until I read this that I can give her a name) who has lived rent-free in my head since I first picked up a pen to try to tell a story. You nailed it, beautifully, as always. And I'm so glad you have come to a place, like here, to show her how wrong she is.
Enjoyed your piece ( I listened to the voice-over). You should be reading letters to home from Civil War soldiers (I mean that as a compliment). Any writer has battled exactly what you described. You mention Catholic guilt, but I found my Catholic faith has encouraged me to find my strengths, one being a person who likes to write, and realize not to pay attention to all the negative voices, whatever you want to call them: Imposter, Bitchy, Satan. Looking forward to reading (and hearing) more.
Thanks so much, Brian! I really appreciate your kind words. I like what you said about your faith helping you to find your strengths. That makes a lot of sense.
I need to get in touch with Ken Burns about those letters...
This is so great! And now I’m a fan of yours. I do have a theory about Bitchy and their cousins. I think we create them when we’re little to protect ourselves. Bitchy’s theory is that “if I tell you you’re rotten, it won’t hurt as badly when people outside you tell you you’re rotten.” Bitchy is an asshole. So, anyways, then we grow up and we set out to do great things and the greater the things, the louder Bitchy gets. That’s how we know we definitely need to do that great thing.
Bitchy McCharlatan LOL! Well-written, and well said. When I hear my own version of Bitchy (she looks and sounds a lot like Regina from Mean Girls), I remind myself that Imposter Syndrome is normal and only shows up when I'm trying things outside my comfort zone. Ergo, it's actually a good sign that I'm pushing my limits and growing as a human! Doesn't make it fun, but it does make it a little easier.
So wait, do we even trust these people who have never experienced imposter syndrome?? Are they real or imaginary?? Do they walk among us? What do they look like? Is it Tom Cruise?? He does his own stunts so maybe??? I imposter all day every day so this has clearly opened a can of questions for me! 😆
Chris- Thanks for this. Really great to read and be reminded that others experience this. I find it empowering to know that voice of doubt exists in many of us.
I don't know how this works. I must be in that 30% zone. I don't feel as if I don't belong here. I have no hesitation when it comes to putting my writing up. I think the simple reason is that I don't write for my readers, I write for me. I write things that I like, and I don't care if anyone reading likes it or not. As long as I do. I want you to know that I haven't always felt like this. But I'm close to middle-aged at 66. I've been writing for all of my life. I didn't think I was a good writer when I first started, but that's because I gave a sample of something to someone at work, and he told me to never give him another piece of my writing again. It was garbage. Looking back, he was right. That's when I started writing for myself. I told myself, if I liked the story, then it was alright. I don't care if people don't want to read it. I just have to get it out. But people are following me, so that must say something. When I hit the publish button, I know not everyone is going to read it. 485 emails go out, and maybe half of the people subscribed read what I put out. They leave comments of encouragement, which always feels good. I don't consider myself a writer, but a story-teller. I don't care if what I write is improper, inappropriate, or Politically Incorrect...it's just a story. If it offends you, don't read it. But if I'm going to tell a story that takes place in the Deep South during the 50's, of course I'm going to use the N-word. It wouldn't be real if I didn't. Like I said, I'm 66. I remember water cannons on the streets of Selma. I watched all of that shit on TV. And now people want to deny it and say it didn't happen? That's why I write for myself.
Hey Ben. Thanks for reading and commenting. Yeah, it does seem like you’re in that 30%. To me, it sounds like you have a really healthy outlook on your writing, why you do it, and your relationship with your readers. It’s interesting that you haven’t always felt the way you do now. That should give people (including me) hope that we might not always have this mindset.
I like to challenge myself. I don't look at writing as a competition. It's not. Not everyone is going to like what you write, and once you come to that realization, you see that the only thing that matters, is that YOU like it. And you're right, it's taken me over 50 years to get to this point in my life. It might have a lot to do with how everybody I worked with were always telling me to give it up because I was never going to amount to anything. But hey, at least I knew how to spell.
I needed this. I've been feeling so shit about my writing and trying to impress editors and my agent. But when I show a reader what I made on my own they're impressed and want more. It's hard to remember that if I'm being myself people will respond positively.
I’m so glad this resonated with you, Del! You just made my night. Thank you for reading and commenting.
This is so well written. Tell Bitchy to bugger off.
Thank you, Kate! I keep telling him but he keeps coming back. That said, he’s a little weaker each time.
Note to self: Don't read Stantonland with a full bladder, because when you laugh, well...
Of course, it's the mere interaction with Substandard, I mean Substack writers that gives me imposter syndrome.
Ha! If I can make just one person pee their pants, then I’ve done my job!
I am basically in the Hundred Years War with imposter syndrome. We will have an occasional detente, but then someone is foolish enough to start an essay, record a TikTok or get on stage and the bloodshed recommences.
The biggest problem for me is that I'm inspired by quite a few artists so much that I see their influence in my work. Then I think, "HOLY SHIT AM I STEALING THEIR WORK? DO I HAVE ANY CREATIVITY OF MY OWN?"
To be clear, I've never stolen a thing in my life. And, my conscious brain now knows I'm actually pretty creative. But my subconscious, well, he's an asshole.
You and me both, brother. Every artist—including the ones we idolize—are inspired by other artists. But we tend to forget that and beat the shit out of ourselves as posers and frauds. It was helpful for me to see how many other writers feel this way. I didn’t include this in the piece because I was sticking to writers, but I even came across a similar quote from Einstein. It’s nuts.
This is such an honest, articulate piece and, as usual, fun. Bitchy has a half-sister or step-mom (I didn't realize until I read this that I can give her a name) who has lived rent-free in my head since I first picked up a pen to try to tell a story. You nailed it, beautifully, as always. And I'm so glad you have come to a place, like here, to show her how wrong she is.
Thanks, Beth! You’ll have to let me know your head-tenant’s name…
I betcha Bitchy is a Dropper.
You are SO right
Enjoyed your piece ( I listened to the voice-over). You should be reading letters to home from Civil War soldiers (I mean that as a compliment). Any writer has battled exactly what you described. You mention Catholic guilt, but I found my Catholic faith has encouraged me to find my strengths, one being a person who likes to write, and realize not to pay attention to all the negative voices, whatever you want to call them: Imposter, Bitchy, Satan. Looking forward to reading (and hearing) more.
Thanks so much, Brian! I really appreciate your kind words. I like what you said about your faith helping you to find your strengths. That makes a lot of sense.
I need to get in touch with Ken Burns about those letters...
And yet, here you are. Thank you for saying your piece, even with Bitchy in the back seat.
This is great!!! Thank you for sharing!!!!
Thanks so much, Colleen!
This is so great! And now I’m a fan of yours. I do have a theory about Bitchy and their cousins. I think we create them when we’re little to protect ourselves. Bitchy’s theory is that “if I tell you you’re rotten, it won’t hurt as badly when people outside you tell you you’re rotten.” Bitchy is an asshole. So, anyways, then we grow up and we set out to do great things and the greater the things, the louder Bitchy gets. That’s how we know we definitely need to do that great thing.
Thanks, Kelsey! I really love that theory! It definitely rings true—I do think Bitchy has been around since childhood. And he’s definitely an asshole!
Bitchy McCharlatan LOL! Well-written, and well said. When I hear my own version of Bitchy (she looks and sounds a lot like Regina from Mean Girls), I remind myself that Imposter Syndrome is normal and only shows up when I'm trying things outside my comfort zone. Ergo, it's actually a good sign that I'm pushing my limits and growing as a human! Doesn't make it fun, but it does make it a little easier.
Thank you, Robin! I like your POV on this. As for Regina, maybe tell her, “Stop trying to make ‘fraud’ happen.”
So wait, do we even trust these people who have never experienced imposter syndrome?? Are they real or imaginary?? Do they walk among us? What do they look like? Is it Tom Cruise?? He does his own stunts so maybe??? I imposter all day every day so this has clearly opened a can of questions for me! 😆
I’d like to see a Venn diagram of those people and sociopaths to see where the overlap is. It could be verrrrry enlightening.
😂 agreed!!
Substack even welcomes accountants who wish to pretend that they are columnists - quite democratic.
Great post! It’s amazing how we’re our own worst critics and talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to a friend a loved one.
Thanks Brienna! The things we say to ourselves are insane. It helps a little to know SO many other people do it too.
Chris- Thanks for this. Really great to read and be reminded that others experience this. I find it empowering to know that voice of doubt exists in many of us.
Thanks for reading and for your comment, Jesse! I feel the same way.
I don't know how this works. I must be in that 30% zone. I don't feel as if I don't belong here. I have no hesitation when it comes to putting my writing up. I think the simple reason is that I don't write for my readers, I write for me. I write things that I like, and I don't care if anyone reading likes it or not. As long as I do. I want you to know that I haven't always felt like this. But I'm close to middle-aged at 66. I've been writing for all of my life. I didn't think I was a good writer when I first started, but that's because I gave a sample of something to someone at work, and he told me to never give him another piece of my writing again. It was garbage. Looking back, he was right. That's when I started writing for myself. I told myself, if I liked the story, then it was alright. I don't care if people don't want to read it. I just have to get it out. But people are following me, so that must say something. When I hit the publish button, I know not everyone is going to read it. 485 emails go out, and maybe half of the people subscribed read what I put out. They leave comments of encouragement, which always feels good. I don't consider myself a writer, but a story-teller. I don't care if what I write is improper, inappropriate, or Politically Incorrect...it's just a story. If it offends you, don't read it. But if I'm going to tell a story that takes place in the Deep South during the 50's, of course I'm going to use the N-word. It wouldn't be real if I didn't. Like I said, I'm 66. I remember water cannons on the streets of Selma. I watched all of that shit on TV. And now people want to deny it and say it didn't happen? That's why I write for myself.
Hey Ben. Thanks for reading and commenting. Yeah, it does seem like you’re in that 30%. To me, it sounds like you have a really healthy outlook on your writing, why you do it, and your relationship with your readers. It’s interesting that you haven’t always felt the way you do now. That should give people (including me) hope that we might not always have this mindset.
I like to challenge myself. I don't look at writing as a competition. It's not. Not everyone is going to like what you write, and once you come to that realization, you see that the only thing that matters, is that YOU like it. And you're right, it's taken me over 50 years to get to this point in my life. It might have a lot to do with how everybody I worked with were always telling me to give it up because I was never going to amount to anything. But hey, at least I knew how to spell.