Don't forget Giligan's Island, where millionaires and tv stars keep their fortune and fame even on a desert island. This was a great post Chris. I especially loved the evil twins and amnesia. I was tricked as well into believing that with identical twins one was always evil and the other good, and that amnesia is fairly common. Liars!
Thanks, Amy! There are so many things about that whole Gilligan’s Island situation that need explanation. Whey were the super wealthy Howells and a famous actress on this rinky-dink little boat in the first place? Why did they have so much luggage for a three-hour tour? I fear we’ll never know. I’m glad you could relate to the twins and amnesia. They played us for chumps!
And as far as television lying to you, you'd better sit down when you start asking about extraterrestrials visiting Earth. Hell, most don't even bring anal probes with them.
Great piece! Until now, I literally thought comas were a not-rare occurrence. I have my devoted following of General Hospital from the age of 9 to 19 to thank for that. Thanks, General Hospital! Thanks, Chris!
Thanks, Beth! Just a thought, but you may want to do a quick check to see if there are any other things you’ve accepted as fact because of General Hospital. Like people coming back from the dead looking like completely different people, people in relationships finding out they’re brother and sister, that kind of thing. (I’ve never seen General Hospital so I’m just guessing.)
That is such a good one, Ian! Quicksand was seemingly everywhere, and it was remarkable how people always kept a very slow-but-steady pace while they were sinking.
Gilliagan's Island always had quicksand and as a kid was scared to death of stepping in it in the fields and marshes my brother and I were always exploring. Happy to report we never did step in quicksand, but the ticks were out of control.
Why is it that a previous employer will have no record of my having existed, but I still get letters and text messages from a bank, a doctor's office, real estate agents, and gyms years after I tell them I've moved to a new city? Why can't *they* let me go?
Right? The whole system is so inconsistent! Once in a while I get mail from a car dealership addressed to my dad, who’s never even lived at this address. It’s impressively inept.
I once tried to make a citizens arrest-- I was twelve-- my parents didn't abide.
I SO wanted our family to be The Brady Bunch or The Patridge Family. Finding a housekeeper like Alice or a tambourine player like Shirley Jones was not realistic.
If the Bradys could take in that annoying Oliver kid, I’m sure they could have found a place for you, CK. My favorite part of the Partridge Family was the relationship between Danny and Reuben. They could have had a nightclub act.
This is great! The citizens arrest one instantly made me think about The Andy Griffith Show which my family has a borderline pathological affinity for. Of course there is an episode named Citizen’s Arrest that is a classic (I can recap the script pretty much word for word if anyone needs me to). We also recently got a large, fluffy puppy and when I put him in the car he crowds the steering wheel, so every time I climb into the drivers seat I say to him, “Move over I’m driving” which is a Barney Fife line from an episode called Dogs, Dogs, Dogs (I believe). I quietly laugh to myself every time I say it even though my kids and wife have no idea what I’m referencing. I don’t think the dog knows either. Anyway, not sure where I’m going with this. Super fun piece!
Thanks so much, Andrew! I know exactly the Andy Griffith episode you’re talking about! I used to love that show, although evidently not to the extent that your family does. Congrats on the new puppy! That’s awesome. It’s hilarious that you quote a Barney Fife line to him for your own amusement. My dog and I have A LOT of inside jokes like that. He’s a really good listener. Thanks again for reading and commenting—I appreciate it!
Yeah, my siblings and I will say things like we’re going to get mom some preserve jars for her birthday and we all laugh and my wife won’t be laughing but will instead be like, that’s an Andy Griffith thing isn’t it? Fun times for all of us. Glad I found your stack and looking forward to reading more!
As someone raised on soap operas I can relate to every word of this. I still can't meet a twin and say something "Are you the evil one??? Does the other twin even KNOW YOU ARE ALIVE?" Also my first crush was also from someone I saw on TV-- Gopher from the Love Boat. I said what I said!
Twins must despise people like us. But it's their fault for being twins. I completely understand your Gopher love. (That came out wrong.) He was the funniest person on the show. I never really had a handle on exactly what his duties were, though. He seemed to be involved in everything.
I have a splendid "evil twin" t-shirt that I treasure. I think my favorite lie (or delusion) that television continues to feed us is so many convoluted mysteries from 'Midsomer Murders' to 'Murder She Wrote' are solvable if you are just resourceful, perky and dogged enough to stick to the full for 42 minutes, lol.
I love that you have an "evil twin" shirt. That's amazing. You're so on the money with the murder shows. I get that Jessica Fletcher is a great mystery writer, but I'm not sure that skill translates into solving a suspiciously large series of real-life, complicated murders. And wasn't Tom Bosley a priest-detective at some point? I guess he did have the advantage of hearing people admit their crimes in the confessional, though.
And, don’t forget about the best friend who lives next door (Howard, in The Bob Newhart Show, Rhoda, in The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Norton, in The Honeymooners) - My neighbors have never been my best friends.
You just broke down all four seasons of Ugly Betty and every novella I've ever seen. This was magical & heart breaking. Bravo. I'm off to start Only Murders In The Building!
Ever know a lawyer who never lost a case (Perry Mason) or a DA who never won ? I’d say DAs that constantly look like boobs like Hamilton Burger, but that seems that it IS realistic 😮
When I first saw TV in 1950, b&w portable, I had a sense then, what a great propaganda machine! And it only got worse over the past 75 years. Now it’s all about $$ and sucking people into the TV cult, making them paying subscribers. TV is its own black box.
Don't forget Giligan's Island, where millionaires and tv stars keep their fortune and fame even on a desert island. This was a great post Chris. I especially loved the evil twins and amnesia. I was tricked as well into believing that with identical twins one was always evil and the other good, and that amnesia is fairly common. Liars!
Thanks, Amy! There are so many things about that whole Gilligan’s Island situation that need explanation. Whey were the super wealthy Howells and a famous actress on this rinky-dink little boat in the first place? Why did they have so much luggage for a three-hour tour? I fear we’ll never know. I’m glad you could relate to the twins and amnesia. They played us for chumps!
Lol it's the luggage and the 3 hour tour I've always wondered about.
Right? They couldn’t have thought that point through a little more before they started shooting?
But TV was so simple minded back then. We weren't supposed to feel anything beyond entertainment value.
And as far as television lying to you, you'd better sit down when you start asking about extraterrestrials visiting Earth. Hell, most don't even bring anal probes with them.
I know you’re right. It saddens me to no end.
Great piece! Until now, I literally thought comas were a not-rare occurrence. I have my devoted following of General Hospital from the age of 9 to 19 to thank for that. Thanks, General Hospital! Thanks, Chris!
Thanks, Beth! Just a thought, but you may want to do a quick check to see if there are any other things you’ve accepted as fact because of General Hospital. Like people coming back from the dead looking like completely different people, people in relationships finding out they’re brother and sister, that kind of thing. (I’ve never seen General Hospital so I’m just guessing.)
Quicksand. Heroes were always getting caught in quicksand, that stuff was everywhere.
That is such a good one, Ian! Quicksand was seemingly everywhere, and it was remarkable how people always kept a very slow-but-steady pace while they were sinking.
Gilliagan's Island always had quicksand and as a kid was scared to death of stepping in it in the fields and marshes my brother and I were always exploring. Happy to report we never did step in quicksand, but the ticks were out of control.
Just think about how horrible ticksand would have been
Why is it that a previous employer will have no record of my having existed, but I still get letters and text messages from a bank, a doctor's office, real estate agents, and gyms years after I tell them I've moved to a new city? Why can't *they* let me go?
Right? The whole system is so inconsistent! Once in a while I get mail from a car dealership addressed to my dad, who’s never even lived at this address. It’s impressively inept.
Haha, that there is frustratingly impressive persistence in dealership marketing.
The way the end of each example spurred the next was brilliant. I had a few great laughs. Great piece!
Thanks, Joseph! I’m glad you liked it!
So true.
I once tried to make a citizens arrest-- I was twelve-- my parents didn't abide.
I SO wanted our family to be The Brady Bunch or The Patridge Family. Finding a housekeeper like Alice or a tambourine player like Shirley Jones was not realistic.
If the Bradys could take in that annoying Oliver kid, I’m sure they could have found a place for you, CK. My favorite part of the Partridge Family was the relationship between Danny and Reuben. They could have had a nightclub act.
Haha. Yes. And Danny is a DJ on a morning radio show.
I had a huge poster of David Cassidy on my wall when I was 5 - he was SOOOO cute!
I wanted Shirley Jones to be my Mom. HARD.
This is great! The citizens arrest one instantly made me think about The Andy Griffith Show which my family has a borderline pathological affinity for. Of course there is an episode named Citizen’s Arrest that is a classic (I can recap the script pretty much word for word if anyone needs me to). We also recently got a large, fluffy puppy and when I put him in the car he crowds the steering wheel, so every time I climb into the drivers seat I say to him, “Move over I’m driving” which is a Barney Fife line from an episode called Dogs, Dogs, Dogs (I believe). I quietly laugh to myself every time I say it even though my kids and wife have no idea what I’m referencing. I don’t think the dog knows either. Anyway, not sure where I’m going with this. Super fun piece!
Thanks so much, Andrew! I know exactly the Andy Griffith episode you’re talking about! I used to love that show, although evidently not to the extent that your family does. Congrats on the new puppy! That’s awesome. It’s hilarious that you quote a Barney Fife line to him for your own amusement. My dog and I have A LOT of inside jokes like that. He’s a really good listener. Thanks again for reading and commenting—I appreciate it!
Yeah, my siblings and I will say things like we’re going to get mom some preserve jars for her birthday and we all laugh and my wife won’t be laughing but will instead be like, that’s an Andy Griffith thing isn’t it? Fun times for all of us. Glad I found your stack and looking forward to reading more!
That’s so funny. It sounds like something we’d do in my family. And I’m very glad you found my stack too. Loved your comments.
I had the same exact thought regarding Gomer, Barney and “Citizens Arrest”.
Watching this, Barney must be a lefty - you know rules for thee and not for me 🙄😂
https://youtu.be/G-VJNJhPCNo?feature=shared
As someone raised on soap operas I can relate to every word of this. I still can't meet a twin and say something "Are you the evil one??? Does the other twin even KNOW YOU ARE ALIVE?" Also my first crush was also from someone I saw on TV-- Gopher from the Love Boat. I said what I said!
Twins must despise people like us. But it's their fault for being twins. I completely understand your Gopher love. (That came out wrong.) He was the funniest person on the show. I never really had a handle on exactly what his duties were, though. He seemed to be involved in everything.
Yes, like a gopher! Very busy and helpful. Still my type today!
I was always so disappointed I couldn't blink my eyes like Jeannie or wiggle my nose like Samantha and make things happen. I still try sometimes.
I was expecting not to like Only Murders In The Building -- but yeah, it's good.
Never give up! On another note, it’s hard to believe that Major Nelson and J.R. Ewing were the same guy, isn’t it?
Which brings me to another major TV lie I meant to mention… seriously, Bobby’s death was a dream?!
That was bullshit!
🤣🤣🤣
I have a splendid "evil twin" t-shirt that I treasure. I think my favorite lie (or delusion) that television continues to feed us is so many convoluted mysteries from 'Midsomer Murders' to 'Murder She Wrote' are solvable if you are just resourceful, perky and dogged enough to stick to the full for 42 minutes, lol.
I love that you have an "evil twin" shirt. That's amazing. You're so on the money with the murder shows. I get that Jessica Fletcher is a great mystery writer, but I'm not sure that skill translates into solving a suspiciously large series of real-life, complicated murders. And wasn't Tom Bosley a priest-detective at some point? I guess he did have the advantage of hearing people admit their crimes in the confessional, though.
And, don’t forget about the best friend who lives next door (Howard, in The Bob Newhart Show, Rhoda, in The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Norton, in The Honeymooners) - My neighbors have never been my best friends.
You're right! I like my neighbors well enough, but they're not best friend material.
You just broke down all four seasons of Ugly Betty and every novella I've ever seen. This was magical & heart breaking. Bravo. I'm off to start Only Murders In The Building!
Thanks so much, K! I hope you enjoy Only Murders in the Building!
Have you ever read "Somehow Form a Family" by Tony Earley? It's an essay in a book with the same title, about growing up with TV.
No, but I’ll check it out. Thanks, Paul.
Ever know a lawyer who never lost a case (Perry Mason) or a DA who never won ? I’d say DAs that constantly look like boobs like Hamilton Burger, but that seems that it IS realistic 😮
When I first saw TV in 1950, b&w portable, I had a sense then, what a great propaganda machine! And it only got worse over the past 75 years. Now it’s all about $$ and sucking people into the TV cult, making them paying subscribers. TV is its own black box.
It’s all true, Gary. Someone should make a show about that.