All of these stories would be complete bananas if they happened across multiple countries in different centuries and yet the fact that they happened right where you grew up is mind blowing. I guess I’m happy my parents moved away from Philadelphia when I was a baby! Also, I was terrified you were going to say the devil worshipping donkey dude was also a D&D player! Phew! Don’t have to issue a cease-and-desist today! 😂
Incidentally, “devil-worshiping donkey dudes”was almost the name of my Radar’s basketball team. Some uptight mom thought it was too long to fit on their jerseys!
It's like I grew up in Cabot Cove, Maine or something, isn't it? So weird. Yeah, you should be glad you got out before you were murdered or murdered someone yourself. Those are the only two choices.
Honestly, if he'd been a D&D player, I wouldn't have included that, the same way I left out other extraneous details. I wouldn't do you dirty like that!
I can't stop laughing about Radar's team. It could fit on the jersey if they stacked the words! I really want to see the season schedule where it's like, "October 12: Phantoms vs. Devil-Worshipping Donkey Dudes."
I do see the conundrum. There’s no great answer, but I’d probably try to make “Donks” happen.
You can quote me on this: Jessica Fletcher was the most prolific serial killer this country’s ever seen. I mean, come on, there were that many unrelated murders in one quaint little New England town? She was an evil genius who got away with pinning them all on other people. Stick that in your cove and cabot!
That is WILD. You know, I had a general sense of unease during my time living up in PA. Maybe there was something to it! (Then again, I lived near Allentown, which, QED.)
Fab piece. I love the humor added at the end of each paragraph and especially the last line.
Hubby Jeffrey grew up with a kid who killed his parents. Jeff somehow ended up with his Cub Scout cap with his name written inside and it would show up with all our moves as we unpacked boxes. I guess we hung on to it like a novelty item, an odd piece of history from Jeffrey’s life. We finally threw it out.
I LOVE true crime!!! My city has its fair share and Canada in general has some great notorious ones. If you haven't watched Don't fuck with cats, you're missing out lol.
The one American true crime series that sucked me in quickly was Murder in the Heartland. They're all stories in the smallest American towns. It's bizarre to think that if you drove through a place with population 625, a murder likely happened there!
Wow. That's quite a nice, disturbing collection of true crime stories. I think I've seen the Forensic Files episode about the guy killing the woman and child in the clothing store. Such a tragedy. And I think just about anything is better than the last season of House of Cards, a crime unto itself. Great post.
How is it that every person above has such a Dateline-worthy name??? You can just SEE the faded shots of feathered haircuts and bro-bags in Camaros at every turn!
The names do complete the picture, don’t they? If you’re going to commit Dateline-worthy crimes, you’d better be sporting a Dateline-worthy name. It needs to roll off of Keith’s tongue with just the right touch of menace.
Oh man, Keith from Dateline??? Now, I'm so worried for you! 😂 Can't you just see Keith doing that opening walk & talk shot? "By all accounts, Chris Stanton was a funny guy. A guy EVERYONE in the neighborhood... and Substack... LIKED."
“But what happened to him was ANYTHING but funny. You see, Chris found himself as a character in someone ELSE’S story—one he couldn’t write himself out of.”
What the heck! Crazy stuff… also I got excited because I thought you went to Kobe Bryant’s school but turns out he was one of those Lower Merion losers. I was pretty close.
Haha I actually live in Lower Merion now, not too far from his school. UM gets psycho killers, LM gets one of the greatest b-ball players of all time. What a difference a few miles makes.
Wow this one was dark! I’m always in the mood for true crime. It makes me put things into perspective. Great post.
Thanks, Lyns! Yeah, this was not a light-hearted romp, for sure.
Remind me to never, never, never live anywhere near you...! 😉
Understandable!
Can't wait for the Netflix special. 😎
Me too
All of these stories would be complete bananas if they happened across multiple countries in different centuries and yet the fact that they happened right where you grew up is mind blowing. I guess I’m happy my parents moved away from Philadelphia when I was a baby! Also, I was terrified you were going to say the devil worshipping donkey dude was also a D&D player! Phew! Don’t have to issue a cease-and-desist today! 😂
Incidentally, “devil-worshiping donkey dudes”was almost the name of my Radar’s basketball team. Some uptight mom thought it was too long to fit on their jerseys!
It's like I grew up in Cabot Cove, Maine or something, isn't it? So weird. Yeah, you should be glad you got out before you were murdered or murdered someone yourself. Those are the only two choices.
Honestly, if he'd been a D&D player, I wouldn't have included that, the same way I left out other extraneous details. I wouldn't do you dirty like that!
I can't stop laughing about Radar's team. It could fit on the jersey if they stacked the words! I really want to see the season schedule where it's like, "October 12: Phantoms vs. Devil-Worshipping Donkey Dudes."
But how do I cheer for them? Is it “Let’s go Donkey Dudes!” Or dudes? Or donkeys? Or Devil Worshippers? Or Devils? You see the conundrum.
Jessica Fletcher would have quit in your town. She would been like “Peace out, bitches! I ain’t got time for this!”
I do see the conundrum. There’s no great answer, but I’d probably try to make “Donks” happen.
You can quote me on this: Jessica Fletcher was the most prolific serial killer this country’s ever seen. I mean, come on, there were that many unrelated murders in one quaint little New England town? She was an evil genius who got away with pinning them all on other people. Stick that in your cove and cabot!
I mean, how do I cheer for them? “Let’s go Donkey Dudes!” or Let’s go Devils!” Let’s go DWDDs?” Donkeys? Dudes? What do I do???
That is WILD. You know, I had a general sense of unease during my time living up in PA. Maybe there was something to it! (Then again, I lived near Allentown, which, QED.)
Haha yeah, you can't discount the specific Allentown effect. 😆
Why would anyone swing a dead cat?
Good point. You’re my go-to guy for looking at options.
Swinging a live cat would be cruel.
Fab piece. I love the humor added at the end of each paragraph and especially the last line.
Hubby Jeffrey grew up with a kid who killed his parents. Jeff somehow ended up with his Cub Scout cap with his name written inside and it would show up with all our moves as we unpacked boxes. I guess we hung on to it like a novelty item, an odd piece of history from Jeffrey’s life. We finally threw it out.
Thanks, CK. Wow, that’s nuts about the kid that Jeff grew up with. Was he a weird kid or normal (until he wasn’t)?
Normal until he wasn’t!
😂
And here I was thinking growing up in S. Florida amid the 80's Cocaine Cowboys was interesting....
You were right! Are you going to write about that, I hope?
I LOVE true crime!!! My city has its fair share and Canada in general has some great notorious ones. If you haven't watched Don't fuck with cats, you're missing out lol.
The one American true crime series that sucked me in quickly was Murder in the Heartland. They're all stories in the smallest American towns. It's bizarre to think that if you drove through a place with population 625, a murder likely happened there!
I’ve seen Don’t Fuck with Cats! It’s crazy. I’m going to have to check out Murder in the Heartland. OMG, I didn’t know that murder stat. Shocking!
I think it's on Discovery+, several seasons lol. I know my true crime 😁
Must watch Don’t Fuck with Cats for the title alone.
It's pretty brutal, especially if you’re a cat lover. I had to cover my eyes in certain parts. Google Luka Magnotta...he's infamous.
Wow. That's quite a nice, disturbing collection of true crime stories. I think I've seen the Forensic Files episode about the guy killing the woman and child in the clothing store. Such a tragedy. And I think just about anything is better than the last season of House of Cards, a crime unto itself. Great post.
Thanks, Parker! Ha, that last season was definitely a crime!
Great stories. Professional Goblin! And would it kill you to subscribe. Nice. (as a former copywriter I see you...) PA off the bucket list.
Ha, thanks Lola! I think PA is safer now. But I wouldn’t bet my life on it.
How is it that every person above has such a Dateline-worthy name??? You can just SEE the faded shots of feathered haircuts and bro-bags in Camaros at every turn!
Haha. Great description. He did have a murdery name.
The names do complete the picture, don’t they? If you’re going to commit Dateline-worthy crimes, you’d better be sporting a Dateline-worthy name. It needs to roll off of Keith’s tongue with just the right touch of menace.
Oh man, Keith from Dateline??? Now, I'm so worried for you! 😂 Can't you just see Keith doing that opening walk & talk shot? "By all accounts, Chris Stanton was a funny guy. A guy EVERYONE in the neighborhood... and Substack... LIKED."
You' in danger, mister!
“But what happened to him was ANYTHING but funny. You see, Chris found himself as a character in someone ELSE’S story—one he couldn’t write himself out of.”
So PERFECT! 😂
What the heck! Crazy stuff… also I got excited because I thought you went to Kobe Bryant’s school but turns out he was one of those Lower Merion losers. I was pretty close.
Haha I actually live in Lower Merion now, not too far from his school. UM gets psycho killers, LM gets one of the greatest b-ball players of all time. What a difference a few miles makes.
Ok, so what you're saying is that the State slogan should be: "Pennsylvania Kills".
Hahaha or “Pennsylvania Is to Die For.”
Yes! You're way better at this than I am, which is as it should be.
What's in the water of SE PA??
Right? It makes you wonder.
Ever hear of the Swinehart murders? It was in the early 80s in western montco
https://montcocourtnews.blogspot.com/2014/11/swinehart-murder-still-fascinating-tale.html?m=1
No! I’ll check it out!
It happened minutes from where I grew up, I was young when it happened but the case drug on for years
Omg! Lisa Manderrack! That was way too close to me- to my parents at the time.
A friend of mine went in the store that very day. She had short blonde hair and not his type she figured. We are minutes from the park named after her
Wow, your friend was in there that day? She must have been pretty shaken up once the news broke. Did she say anything about what he was like?
Yes. I still get chills thinking about it,way too close to home. My friend said something felt off about him
Manderach