Thank you, Jana! I'm afraid I'll never know why Joe stormed out. There's no way Phil would have told me, and I didn't know Joe's last name to try and find him. It's going to nag at me for the rest of my life! After another painful search, I finally found a guy I like, William. He barely talks at all. He and his wife own the shop so he's not going anywhere!
Never saw him again. He lived in NJ so I'm guessing he got a job closer to home. Even if Phil had given me his number, which he wouldn't have, calling him would have been awkward since I don't think he knew my name!
I should have known you rocked the Dorothy! Twinsies!
I’m sorry to hear that the search begins anew, Chris.
The final nail in the coffin for me when it came to my esteem for my parents’ style sense was in late middle school, early high school, over a haircut. My old barber moved, so they suggested I go to ALAN. ALAN was awesome. ALAN was gifted, he was the best there was and truly no other could ever compare. Turns out my mom liked Alan for his English accent and my dad liked Alan because they could talk football. I hated my hair, my friends thought it looked hilarious and I turned all kinds of heads at the mall—just not in the way Alan insinuated I would. Even today I cut my own hair.
Oh, James. Your parents did you dirty with ALAN. That is a terrible age to get a terrible haircut. It could have done permanent social damage. I admire that you can cut your own hair, though. When I tried it during the pandemic, I had to wear a hat for two months. It was a disaster.
Light Joe and Dark Joe. Haha. I love my stylist— a straight guy with muscles, tattoos and talent with the scissors but he also cannot multitask a conversation with a color treatment. He stops and steps back while he’s telling a story about his last firearm competition and shows me pictures of the dude he trained with who trained Keanu for the Wick movies and all the actors for Taylor Sheridan TV shows.
Haha. He does have good stories. He was a semi famous stylist in NY but wanted a family and the quiet life where he grew up in Enumclaw. He used to do hair for some celebrities and keeps in touch with them. I love those stories.
Lol! I just went through this brutal process and sympathize a lot. In fact our time frames are similar.
I used to go to this barber who also was old and the place looked frozen in time. Eventually he became too old and gave me a ridiculously bad haircut. It was like a buzz cut but random tufts of hair were poking out. I just went home and buzzed it all with a razor.
I've found a good barber now. He will randomly part my hair different ways or make it shorter than I want but it looks good so I won't leave him. I don't want to go back to trying different barbers and getting very questionable haircuts again.
It’s such a brutal process, isn’t it? My hair really isn’t very complicated; I feel like it should be a breeze for a trained professional. But so many of them just do what they feel like instead of what you ask for. You lucked out that your guy’s self-direction turns out well!
Oh yeah! For sure! I was just talking to someone and honestly being a barber would be a great job. Almost no competition. People always need their hair cut. You also get paid well.
I need to have a conversation with my mom about that at some point! Some barber or stylist should write a book, “Tales from the Chair,” spilling all the secrets. Who knows, maybe someone already has.
I had the worst haircut of my adult life in October. (My hair guy of twenty years retired during Covid shut down.)
I am still growing out the disaster and now I am even more gun shy about looking for a new person.
With a disability that makes my skin very flaky and peely, having a good hair cut is extra important to me, as it is a normalizing feature in my appearance. Gah!
I feel like even when you get a recommendation from a friend, just because they cut your friend’s hair well doesn’t mean they’ll cut yours well, you know? It’s always a crapshoot. Anyway, I hope you find someone you like soon, Teri!
“Joe was a gesturer. When he told a story, he’d move his hands around like he was choreographed by Bob Fosse. It was miraculous that he never stabbed me in the ear.” I had a barber like this too! It was always a nerve-wracking experience, seeing those sharp blades jabbing and swinging around my face while he told endless stories instead of…you know…cutting my hair.
“A bad haircut is the black eye of the scalp. You can try to mask it, but it’s clear that something bad happened to you.” 🤣 Truer words have never been spoken! I drive 2 hours for my haircuts. I cheated on him only once because I was living on the opposite coast, and I never made that mistake again!
Hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right? Sometimes you HAVE to drive two hours to get the results you want. My new guy is great and close. My last haircut, I left the house, got gas, got the haircut, and was back home in under 30 minutes. It’s the situation I’ve always dreamed of…
As the queen of haircuts, (I shaved my head bald for the better part of 20 years) I'm obsessive about getting regular trims, but don't love spending tons of money for it...which is why I shaved my head for the better part of 20 years. It wasn't just a fashion statement, I did it because I had two dogs who needed haircuts too. Shih-tzus. I went to the same barber at Astor Place (famous) for more than 15 years, even after I relocated from Manhattan to upstate New York. Enzo was my guy. He smoked while he cut my hair, was a pauser as well, but he'd get it done in 15 minutes or less for $10. He died. Smoking. I stopped going. No one could fill his big Sicilian shoes. So now I go to a bro barber, so not as cheap as the old days because these are new wave cool barbers. But worth it. I love him to bits. He's slower than Enzo, and a pauser, scissors flying for emphasis when he talks and doesn't cut...but he's adorable and kind. He even came to my house one winter to shovel my yard when my back was out so the little teeny Shih-tzus could find a spot to poop in the snow when it was too high for them. I'm nothing if not loyal, and appreciative. The quality of the haircut? Fine, not mind-blowing, but fine. I figure, it grows back, it's all good. No one ever sees me because I rarely leave the house! So it's all good. BUT I LOVE getting my haircut. It feels like getting myself back every single time!
I love getting a haircut too. I’m so overdue right now, but it’ll be all the sweeter when I finally go. Enzo sounds like he came right out of central casting, right down to the heavy smoking (RIP). But your current guy—coming to your house to shovel snow for your dogs? That dude is GOLD. Seriously, that’s so incredibly nice. Life is so much better when you have a dependable barber.
Total central casting, the Italian barber. Heavy Sicilian accent, polyester shirts unbuttoned so I could see his huge gold Italian horn bling nested in his chest hair, and sansibelt slacks with black loafers with more gold bling on them. Separated from his wife for 25 years, but not divorced because Catholic. I loved the guy. I was so sad when I found out he'd died. I'm so glad you wrote this piece tonight. Brought back great memories...and reminded me I have to get on my barber's schedule. He's always solidly booked. Thanks, Chris for a great Friday night read. xo
Ok, so now I need to see evidence of "The Dorothy Hamill Era" Chris. I'll bet you looked adorable.
This is spot on. Every town move means careful exploration of the hairdressing scene, and far too many bad haircuts and colours. Embarrassing truth: After we'd moved to the country years ago, for a period of 6-months, or maybe even longer, I insisted my family travel the 3 hours each way back to the city every 6 weeks so that I could avoid having to find a local hairdresser!
Admittedly, we made a trip of it. Went to the seafood place to buy fresh fish we couldn't get at home. Caught up with friends. Went to the playgrounds my boys loved. And then, we didn't need to anymore. We still kept up with the friends, but everything else, we found alternatives, or thanked those memories and moved on.
I love this so much for many reasons. First, you're funny. And...way back when, in my other life, I was a barber and then graduated to "men's hairstylist." What's also funny is that your post is from the client's perspective. But Chris, you've given me an idea for a post of my own from the barber's perspective. I'd never be as funny as you, but I could tell some doozy of a story with some of these guys.
I should have gone right to barber school. I LOVE cutting hair! I tried to get my barber's boss to let me apprentice. I'm glad he turned me down...I don't think I'd be that fulfilled hanging out with bros all day long. xo
nothing like a good haircut, so much so that it is once a week trip for me. Great piece.
I thought of you when I was writing this
Loved this so much. Dorothy Hammill caused a lot of childhood trauma! Glad to know it wasn’t just me.
Thanks, Tina! I’m thinking of forming a support group for survivors of that haircut if you’re interested.
Chris, I feel there needs to be part 2. I have many questions: why did Joe storm out? What happened after Mike?
A brilliant example of great storytelling.
Thank you, Jana! I'm afraid I'll never know why Joe stormed out. There's no way Phil would have told me, and I didn't know Joe's last name to try and find him. It's going to nag at me for the rest of my life! After another painful search, I finally found a guy I like, William. He barely talks at all. He and his wife own the shop so he's not going anywhere!
Oh, excellent. I'm glad you found non-chatter 😂
Damn, Joe! You never found him again?! I bet he misses you too considering you were 1 of 2 people he talked to.
Also I had a Dorothy Hamill cut for years! Twinsies!
Never saw him again. He lived in NJ so I'm guessing he got a job closer to home. Even if Phil had given me his number, which he wouldn't have, calling him would have been awkward since I don't think he knew my name!
I should have known you rocked the Dorothy! Twinsies!
I’m sorry to hear that the search begins anew, Chris.
The final nail in the coffin for me when it came to my esteem for my parents’ style sense was in late middle school, early high school, over a haircut. My old barber moved, so they suggested I go to ALAN. ALAN was awesome. ALAN was gifted, he was the best there was and truly no other could ever compare. Turns out my mom liked Alan for his English accent and my dad liked Alan because they could talk football. I hated my hair, my friends thought it looked hilarious and I turned all kinds of heads at the mall—just not in the way Alan insinuated I would. Even today I cut my own hair.
Oh, James. Your parents did you dirty with ALAN. That is a terrible age to get a terrible haircut. It could have done permanent social damage. I admire that you can cut your own hair, though. When I tried it during the pandemic, I had to wear a hat for two months. It was a disaster.
Light Joe and Dark Joe. Haha. I love my stylist— a straight guy with muscles, tattoos and talent with the scissors but he also cannot multitask a conversation with a color treatment. He stops and steps back while he’s telling a story about his last firearm competition and shows me pictures of the dude he trained with who trained Keanu for the Wick movies and all the actors for Taylor Sheridan TV shows.
That’s so much cooler than anything I’ve ever heard in the chair. If a barber told me stories like that I wouldn’t care how long the haircut took.
Haha. He does have good stories. He was a semi famous stylist in NY but wanted a family and the quiet life where he grew up in Enumclaw. He used to do hair for some celebrities and keeps in touch with them. I love those stories.
Did you ever figure out where Joe went?
Unfortunately not
Lol! I just went through this brutal process and sympathize a lot. In fact our time frames are similar.
I used to go to this barber who also was old and the place looked frozen in time. Eventually he became too old and gave me a ridiculously bad haircut. It was like a buzz cut but random tufts of hair were poking out. I just went home and buzzed it all with a razor.
I've found a good barber now. He will randomly part my hair different ways or make it shorter than I want but it looks good so I won't leave him. I don't want to go back to trying different barbers and getting very questionable haircuts again.
It’s such a brutal process, isn’t it? My hair really isn’t very complicated; I feel like it should be a breeze for a trained professional. But so many of them just do what they feel like instead of what you ask for. You lucked out that your guy’s self-direction turns out well!
Oh yeah! For sure! I was just talking to someone and honestly being a barber would be a great job. Almost no competition. People always need their hair cut. You also get paid well.
OMG, Dorothy Hamill? Lol. That is excellent! Your barbershop tales are like Peyton Place... I had no idea so much transpired.
I need to have a conversation with my mom about that at some point! Some barber or stylist should write a book, “Tales from the Chair,” spilling all the secrets. Who knows, maybe someone already has.
I had the worst haircut of my adult life in October. (My hair guy of twenty years retired during Covid shut down.)
I am still growing out the disaster and now I am even more gun shy about looking for a new person.
With a disability that makes my skin very flaky and peely, having a good hair cut is extra important to me, as it is a normalizing feature in my appearance. Gah!
I feel like even when you get a recommendation from a friend, just because they cut your friend’s hair well doesn’t mean they’ll cut yours well, you know? It’s always a crapshoot. Anyway, I hope you find someone you like soon, Teri!
“Joe was a gesturer. When he told a story, he’d move his hands around like he was choreographed by Bob Fosse. It was miraculous that he never stabbed me in the ear.” I had a barber like this too! It was always a nerve-wracking experience, seeing those sharp blades jabbing and swinging around my face while he told endless stories instead of…you know…cutting my hair.
You too? Is that some kind of trick these guys learn in barber school? It’s unnerving!
“A bad haircut is the black eye of the scalp. You can try to mask it, but it’s clear that something bad happened to you.” 🤣 Truer words have never been spoken! I drive 2 hours for my haircuts. I cheated on him only once because I was living on the opposite coast, and I never made that mistake again!
Hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right? Sometimes you HAVE to drive two hours to get the results you want. My new guy is great and close. My last haircut, I left the house, got gas, got the haircut, and was back home in under 30 minutes. It’s the situation I’ve always dreamed of…
The amount of envy I feel over this . . .
As the queen of haircuts, (I shaved my head bald for the better part of 20 years) I'm obsessive about getting regular trims, but don't love spending tons of money for it...which is why I shaved my head for the better part of 20 years. It wasn't just a fashion statement, I did it because I had two dogs who needed haircuts too. Shih-tzus. I went to the same barber at Astor Place (famous) for more than 15 years, even after I relocated from Manhattan to upstate New York. Enzo was my guy. He smoked while he cut my hair, was a pauser as well, but he'd get it done in 15 minutes or less for $10. He died. Smoking. I stopped going. No one could fill his big Sicilian shoes. So now I go to a bro barber, so not as cheap as the old days because these are new wave cool barbers. But worth it. I love him to bits. He's slower than Enzo, and a pauser, scissors flying for emphasis when he talks and doesn't cut...but he's adorable and kind. He even came to my house one winter to shovel my yard when my back was out so the little teeny Shih-tzus could find a spot to poop in the snow when it was too high for them. I'm nothing if not loyal, and appreciative. The quality of the haircut? Fine, not mind-blowing, but fine. I figure, it grows back, it's all good. No one ever sees me because I rarely leave the house! So it's all good. BUT I LOVE getting my haircut. It feels like getting myself back every single time!
I love getting a haircut too. I’m so overdue right now, but it’ll be all the sweeter when I finally go. Enzo sounds like he came right out of central casting, right down to the heavy smoking (RIP). But your current guy—coming to your house to shovel snow for your dogs? That dude is GOLD. Seriously, that’s so incredibly nice. Life is so much better when you have a dependable barber.
Total central casting, the Italian barber. Heavy Sicilian accent, polyester shirts unbuttoned so I could see his huge gold Italian horn bling nested in his chest hair, and sansibelt slacks with black loafers with more gold bling on them. Separated from his wife for 25 years, but not divorced because Catholic. I loved the guy. I was so sad when I found out he'd died. I'm so glad you wrote this piece tonight. Brought back great memories...and reminded me I have to get on my barber's schedule. He's always solidly booked. Thanks, Chris for a great Friday night read. xo
Booked! January 23. I'll let you know how it comes out!
Ok, so now I need to see evidence of "The Dorothy Hamill Era" Chris. I'll bet you looked adorable.
This is spot on. Every town move means careful exploration of the hairdressing scene, and far too many bad haircuts and colours. Embarrassing truth: After we'd moved to the country years ago, for a period of 6-months, or maybe even longer, I insisted my family travel the 3 hours each way back to the city every 6 weeks so that I could avoid having to find a local hairdresser!
Those photos will never see the light of day, my friend.
OMG. I can’t believe you did that. And your family never left you by the side of the road somewhere during all this? Saints.
Admittedly, we made a trip of it. Went to the seafood place to buy fresh fish we couldn't get at home. Caught up with friends. Went to the playgrounds my boys loved. And then, we didn't need to anymore. We still kept up with the friends, but everything else, we found alternatives, or thanked those memories and moved on.
In all honesty, a good haircut is one thing I could actually see myself driving three hours for. Throw in fresh seafood, it’s a done deal.
Love the part about needing another haircut by the time you got home as she lived so far
Away worked from home now
Thanks, Carole!
I love this so much for many reasons. First, you're funny. And...way back when, in my other life, I was a barber and then graduated to "men's hairstylist." What's also funny is that your post is from the client's perspective. But Chris, you've given me an idea for a post of my own from the barber's perspective. I'd never be as funny as you, but I could tell some doozy of a story with some of these guys.
Thanks, Paulette! Please write that essay—I want to read it!
Going to queue it up. Thanks, Chris.
Right! You were a barber! I remember that from your book. I'm a beauty school dropout!
Ha ha, right. I was a beauty school dropout, too, Nan. After that failure, I attended barber school.
I should have gone right to barber school. I LOVE cutting hair! I tried to get my barber's boss to let me apprentice. I'm glad he turned me down...I don't think I'd be that fulfilled hanging out with bros all day long. xo