48 Comments
User's avatar
Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

OMG goodness, Bestie this is pure pure brilliance! I literally sang it out loud as I read it (not brilliant.) Also I am a birder so that part is true. Going to feed my crows now!

Chris Stanton's avatar

Thank you, Bestie! Those crows are lucky to have you, and they’d better start acting like it!

Vinod Nair's avatar

I don't understand why I can walk into a room and forget why I'm there, but still remember the landline number of a friend I haven't called since 1997. Also, my wife can remember something I said in 2004 with full context, witnesses and supporting documentation. The brain clearly has a filing system. I just don't seem to have admin access.

Loved this, Chris.

Chris Stanton's avatar

😂 Haha that’s hilarious, Vinod. Thanks for reading!

Bill Southern's avatar

Truly inspired, Chris. And, it’s got a good beat, and you can dance to it.

Chris Stanton's avatar

I’m glad you liked it, Bill!

Andrea Hoffmann's avatar

The ability to throw Wayno, Australian spiders and Kanye’s wife into one poem… master.

Chris Stanton's avatar

You are too kind, my friend 🙏

Amanda Jaffe's avatar

I don't understand my sudden desire to sing. Actually, I do. Enjoyed this, Chris!

Chris Stanton's avatar

Thanks, Amanda!

Beth Goldner's avatar

I love this song! I feel like an old lady being baffled along with you about having to have a brand (and not wanting to) and then I realize this bafflement is my brand.

Thanks for the relatable observations!

Chris Stanton's avatar

“Bafflement is my brand” bwahahaha!

Lee Bacon's avatar

This was delightful. Major props for rhyming "gay hockey players" with "coffee purveyors."

Chris Stanton's avatar

Thanks, Lee!

Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

😂😂😂

… what’s with dog fights… no bees to sting and everyone’s feeling sad…

Chris Stanton's avatar

You need to write one of these, CK!

Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

You started it, Christopher Stanton!

Marge Anderson's avatar

Sang along with this as a cardinal came to my bird feeder!

Nancy Jainchill's avatar

LOVE this. Almost had to get in the shower>

Chris Stanton's avatar

Ha! The shower will be there when you’re ready!

Mike Bryskier's avatar

CS, you nailed the birder thing.

It hasn't come for me yet, but I've watched it take down half my poker table. One week we're playing cards like normal men, the next, three of them show up in vests and announce they've taken up birding. The vests have pockets in pockets and some big enough to carry a cooler.

I asked how this happened, but nobody had an answer, just sheepish grins. Then Joe, God help him, gave a little giggle before admitting the real draw: the hobby lets them discuss the tufted titmouse at length.

Tufted titmouse. Tufted Titmouse. TUFTED TITMOUSE!

I'm starting to see the appeal.

Chris Stanton's avatar

I don’t know why it is, exactly. Birds have been around all our lives. They haven’t changed. It’s like older men just started seeing them—really seeing them. I’d noticed it before, but when it happened to my dad years ago, I knew the condition was more dangerous than I thought.

Mike Bryskier's avatar

Dads have been an early-warning-detection system for eons. Most of us just never realized this until it was too late.

Darcy Fiona McNair's avatar

Fun! I can hear Julie Andrews! I just had a thought--how about o e tuned to Yesterday by the Beatles...you know, latch keys kid, drinking from water hoses, The Brady Bunch...😁

Chris Stanton's avatar

That would be a good one, Darcy. Or “Can’t Buy Me Gas.”

Darcy Fiona McNair's avatar

Yep! Go for it! 🤣

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Chris I regret to inform you that you’ve just unironically used the word doodad. You are now officially a member of the old man get off my lawn brigade.

Welcome. We are very nice. Just keep it moving, capiche?

Chris Stanton's avatar

Why don’t you turn down that music and pull up your pants.

Ofifoto1's avatar

*Apologies for all the spaces between lines.

People who park cars in all the wrong places,

And ones who talk loudly in public spaces,

Owners that leave their dog's poop where I stand,

These are some things that I don't understand.

Theatres that make the sound so loud I can't hear,

Anything for days but ringing in my ears,

If only actors would learn how to talk,

So films and tv would not be such hard work.

If you want to,

Just be happy,

You can play along

And let all this hooha fly over your head,

And just sing out loud this song!

Chris Stanton's avatar

Very nice, Ofi! Thanks for the additional verses!

Holly Starley's avatar

Ha! Brilliant. And believe me, I did sing along!! 😀

Chris Stanton's avatar

I’m glad you did, Holly!

Ofifoto1's avatar

Yes, yes, YES!*

*I'll be back