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Carol VanDenHende's avatar

First of all, I’m glad for the good news! Hopefully Dr Egan (not his real name) will be able to help. Secondly, your piece is a masterclass in humor. I’m sending you writerly respect!

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thanks so much, Carol! That means a lot!

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David W. Friedman's avatar

I am going through my own orthopedic hell right now. From C1 to T1 and L5-S1. Physical therapy has helped with the neck, but today my left middle finger is numb. I'd shrug, but it hurts my neck and shoulders.

I am waiting for approval of an epidural steroid injection in my neck. If that doesn't help, surgery is the other option.

Health insurance has denied the request for a lumbar MRI. They need six weeks of lower back PT and medications. The X-Ray wasn't enough proof of DDD and arthritis.

Ah well, live and yearn.

Good luck with Elmo. Please return the senior's 20 year older spine when you have a chance.

Shalom.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Wow, David. I’m so sorry to hear that. The pain is bad enough without having to deal with the insurance nightmares too. I hope the steroid injection gets approved and helps your neck. I also hope you get some relief for your lower back. Best of luck with all of that.

Thanks for the well-wishes. I have to figure out what I did with that dude’s spine. I swore I left it in the trunk of my car but it’s not there.

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David W. Friedman's avatar

The lower spine MRI was denied. The epidural steroid treatment was also denied. I may have to appeal the decision.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Ugh. I’m sorry, man.

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Jane Deegan's avatar

Oh and I have knees of an 80 year-old. I don't get it freaking arthristis. Glad it was the tumor was benign

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thanks, Jane! I'm sorry to hear about your knees! Ugh.

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Jane Deegan's avatar

Bone on bone. New knees in my future. For now injections. No more running, Yoga, headstands and swimming for now.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Bone on bone: ouch. I know people who’ve had knee replacements. It’s a life-changer.

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Jane Deegan's avatar

Was this hospital in your hometown of Stanton Land? My husband had neck surgery in Brywn Marw Hopsital a few years ago. Dr was awesome. No burning bed tales in that OR that day. "Hopefully 0" 😱

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Chris Stanton's avatar

It was in the same network as Bryn Mawr. I don't want to say which one here. I've had nothing but really good experience at Bryn Mawr. Glad your husband's neck surgery went well!

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Jane Deegan's avatar

Got it! I thought of it after. Blink once or twice, right? They were wonderful there; his surgeon was too. One of many surgeries he’s had! He has bone spurs and arthritis in back and he gets injections in his back that help. Trying to hold of surgery. One day I’m young the next day I’m talking about arthritis. Wth????? I hope all goes well

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E. Bee's avatar

I was impressed that you got an appointment within a month or so. I was referred to a neurologist for a potential brain tumor (spoiler - not a brain tumor) and they said 6 months out. I told them I could be dead by then. And they were like, “Sorry.” Sorry??? 😂😂😂 The first available for an endocrinologist for my daughter was one YEAR! I’m not kidding. Good ole American health care. Glad Elmo is benign, that you didn’t have to wait 6 months to find that out, and that the chances of your surgery bed catching on fire are pretty slim! 😂

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Chris Stanton's avatar

First of all, E., I’m VERY glad you didn’t have a brain tumor. It’s positively batshit insane that you couldn’t get a neuro appointment for six months with that looming over/inside your head. And a YEAR for your daughter’s appointment? WTF??? I hope she’s doing okay. Yes, our health care system is in dire need of an overhaul. Ugh. In the meantime, if you ever need surgery, just make sure they have a fire extinguisher on the tray with the scalpels and forceps.

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E. Bee's avatar

lol Will do!

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Amy Gabrielle's avatar

Chris, you are a master storyteller. Humor is hard, but you make it look (and sound) effortless. You know I love your audio, and this one had me laughing out loud (I refuse to acronym that). All kidding and praising aside, I had a micro-discectomy in July 2023 after a chiropractor exacerbated a herniated disc at L5-S1. It was pressing on a nerve root causing the worst sciatic pain I've ever felt. I basically gave my middle fingers to the orthopedic surgeon who wanted me to do six weeks of PT before even recommending an MRI. Luckily he saw reason in my death stare and I got an appointment a few days later. A friend told me about her neurosurgeon so I saw him and told the orthopedic surgeon he was useless. I made the appointment for the surgery, but tried the cortisone shots in the interim (I got two and neither worked). I was in and out of the hospital the same day and my sciatic pain was gone. After six weeks I started PT and I've made a full recovery. I try to do core strengthening exercises daily to keep the load off my spine, and it seems to be working. As for nerve sheath tumors, I would get a second opinion. You don't have NF1 by any chance, do you? You would know if you did since it's a genetic disorder that causes benign fatty tumors on many parts of the body. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions about the surgery. Now I have this song by Midnight Oil in my head: https://youtu.be/ejorQVy3m8E?si=Z7l9L2Hi9g3H1Jfg

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thank you, Amy! I so appreciate your reading/listening to my stuff. It means a lot. Good for you for advocating for yourself. It’s such bullshit that they want people who are in severe pain to do a bunch of PT before getting an MRI. Anyway, I’m glad you got the help you needed and are back to normal. I don’t have NF1, thankfully. Oh, and I’ve had that Midnight Oil song in my head ever since this happened too!

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Ok this took me two days to read because it was too stressful! A. I’m glad you’re ok(ish?) and Elmo isn’t ELMO. B. I’m really glad you found out what happened in the OR. C. I feel as though this story could only happen to you. D. You know Michelle told everyone she knows what happened in the OR.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

I’m sorry I stressed you out! A. Thank you! I’m very glad too. Honestly, I was verrrrrry stressed out about that. B. I would have made it my mission to find out one way or another if everyone hadn’t been so chatty about it. C. A very good friend of mine who I’ve known since I was 15 left the comment “Only you” so I think your instincts are spot on. D. 100%! I’m sure Michelle had nine text chains going with various groups in her life. My favorite part is that they were told not to say anything, yet the guy whose practice it is had no qualms about saying everything!

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Amanda Jaffe's avatar

Well first, Chris, I'm glad Elmo is benign. (There's a lot of potential humor in that sentence, but I'm being sincere.) Only you could get me to laugh through a story like this, Chris, and I'm so glad you did.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thank you so much, Amanda. I always love hearing from you!

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Jana's avatar

Is it ok to admit I could not help but laugh hard at your experience, from qMichelle’s calls to bed being on fire?

I am not a mean person; I swear it!

Let’s hope for zero fire when you go in 🤞

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Chris Stanton's avatar

It’s more than ok—I’m glad you laughed, Jana! Thanks for reading and commenting. I’m always happy to hear from you!

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Mo__'s avatar

So engaging; so humorously expressed!

Here’s to new topics that are a lot less anxiety producing and painful, Chris!

TY for sharing who you are with us!

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thank you, Mo! I always appreciate hearing from you!

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Ros Barber's avatar

That was brilliantly told as always: I listened while I was up a ladder. I’m glad Elmo isn’t too troubling after all and hope you can avoid any bed fires.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thanks so much, Ros! I’m glad the ladder didn’t catch on fire.

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Alex Tomić's avatar

Very funny in a spinal sort of way. I was clearly focusing more on the L4-L5 than the flames. Despite knowing too much about this lumbar combination I laughed so thank you for that.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thanks for reading, Alex!

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Anthony Akins's avatar

I hate to admit it but I chuckled all the way through this. Thinks for writing this. It was an excellent read.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

I’m glad you admitted it! Thanks so much for reading—I appreciate it!

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Anthony Akins's avatar

Swipe keyboard tricked me so change thinks to thanks.

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Helen Rowlands's avatar

Hopefully zero. That’s erm, worth keeping your fingers crossed for I think 🤔. I’m having quite some relationship with a couple of my discs and how my nerves are reacting to that and with everything I’ve worried about, the operating bed was not one of them. 🥴. Currently I’m taking ALL the drugs and exercising carefully, which seems to be working. Here’s hoping everything sorts itself out for you soon, without the need for an extinguisher 🤞

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Sorry to hear you’re going through it too, Helen. I’m glad the meds and exercise are helping!

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Prajna O'Hara's avatar

I’m still grinning as this was gripping

Glad to hear Elmo is in a good place

Phew

I love the way you tell a story

I have a phd in interception of schedule changes but never for a fire 🔥

🥹

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thanks so much, Prajna! I always love hearing from you.

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Wendy Varley's avatar

I love that ‘We’re not supposed to say anything’ turned into, ‘Ok, here’s what happened...’ Curiosity gets you everywhere!

Sorry about your back pain.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thanks, Wendy! And yes, that was the worst-kept “secret” I’ve ever seen!

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Messy Jessie's avatar

I loved this. Thank you.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

Thanks, Jessica!

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